People change when they give up trying or struggling to be what they would like to become; when they allow themselves to be currently what they are now at this moment in time; and when they become fully aware of who or what that is.
The paradoxical theory of change says that:
Change occurs when one becomes what he is, not when he tries to become what he is not.
In Gestalt theory, the practitioner believes that they are agents of awareness, not change.
Personal Reflections
I’ve always thought of change in the past as changing myself to be a certain way due to some perceived flaw. This involves changes in an aspect of personality or behaviour. E.g, being better with people, being able to present or facilitate conversations better.
Sometimes I succeed, but more often than not I didn’t. This was like trying to change into someone that I was not.
After I stopped trying so hard to change and as I’ve done more self-work, I’ve found it easier to move from the fitting in to the belonging end of the spectrum. That self-work has revealed some answers about who I already am. Doing things consistent with that is much easier, effortless even as I learn to act from congruence.
In that process of letting go and discovering what I already am, I have found that I have changed a lot - paradoxically, this only happened when I became who I already am.
References
- Paradox: A Gestalt Theory : the paradoxical theory of change is central to the practice of Gestalt theory.
- Paradoxical Theory of Change: the paradoxical theory of change from the theraputic perspective.